Chastity

by Amelia Eudy

When Urbana, Ill. native, Erika Harold, was crowned Miss America 2003, she became a role model for millions of young girls. Thrust into the public eye on television and in magazines throughout the year 2003, she shared the pages with other headline-grabbing females like Paris Hilton with her sex tape expose and Britney Spears’ lip-lock with Madonna at the MTV Video Music Awards. But Erika had a message that seemed a direct contradiction to the popularity of the scandalized pop princess and social heiress – the importance of abstinence.

The Cost of the Crown
The petite 27-year-old from a multi-racial family has a lot to say about her platform of “Respect Yourself, Protect Yourself: Preventing Youth Violence and Bullying,” as she was a victim of racial hate acts and sexual harassment in high school. But Erika says she also expected that her platform and year in the spotlight would also include talking about abstinence, a topic she has spoken on publicly since the age of 17.

She was surprised when the topic was labeled “too controversial” by Illinois pageant officials. Erika was asked not to discuss her stance on abstinence during the national competition to make her appear more liberal. She wanted to speak about abstinence after being crowned Miss America but was later accused of hiding her position, Erika’s father, Bob Harold, explained.

Erika stood her ground with pageant officials and refused to stay quiet. It just wasn’t her nature. She maximized her time in the public eye and continues to use her experience as Miss America to prove to young adults that they too can stand strong for what they believe in and have “the courage to say it, even if it may be unpopular.”

Speaking to the 6th-8th grade classes at St. Paul Catholic School in Jacksonville Beach March 2, Erika explained that her commitment to abstaining from drugs, sex and alcohol was not what others were doing at her high school, but she wanted to be a leader. Quoting the last stanza of the Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken, Erika told the students that her most important decision has been “to take the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Bob Harold was also in town to attend the Project SOS (Strengthening Our Students) Father-Daughter event called, “Dancing With Your Star.” As a father of three girls and one boy, he explained the role he has tried to play in the lives of his children by teaching them Christian values, a responsibility to God and self-worth.

“Having respect for yourself demands that others respect you as a person, not as an object,” Bob says. “With children, (parents) instill in them a sense of worth and importance.”

Erika, who says she still talks to her father on the phone every day, sees men or strong male figures, such as fathers, as important in how women and girls see themselves. “Young women are taught that the only way to get male attention is through sex,” she says. Rather, “it is their intelligence and character that are the most important. Males can encourage them to cultivate those traits.”

Have Girls Really Gone Bad?
In February, Newsweek magazine ran a cover story called, “The Girls Gone Wild Effect,” focusing on today’s teenage idols that seem to be following the path to rehab instead of fairy-tale romances. In the past, the media, celebrities, television and the music industry have been blamed for “The Sexualization of Girls” as addressed by Father John Flynn in a Feb. 2007 article on Zenit.org. Using recent studies published by the American Psychological Association, he maintains the case that merchandising, advertising, teen magazines and overall media saturation all contribute to this concern of “sexy” teens and tweens.

“Media is the number one teacher of children and that’s unfortunate,” Pam Mullarkey, Ph.D., founder and director of National Advancement of Project SOS, says. “Parents and churches have a difficult time undoing what the media has done.”

She also noted the importance of a male role model in the life of a young girl. “Every girl wants the approval of a male. If she has her father’s unconditional approval, she doesn’t have to look for it in a man who may have other desires than what the girl wants.” Peer pressure and the quest to be popular also contribute to many of the choices young teen girls make, she says.

Dr. Mullarkey was encouraged by the response to the annual Father-Daughter program in Jacksonville. With more than 500 in attendance, she received many comments from fathers who didn’t realize their influence in their daughters’ lives and customarily left most of the duties of nurturing children to the mothers.

Acknowledging that not all young girls have a father involved in their lives, Erika encourages girls to seek out men close to them. “Close relatives and members of church communities can fill that role,” Erika says, but advises girls to be selective, because the men they choose as their role models need to have guiding qualities, a strong character and encourage girls to make good choices for their futures.
 

		Miss America 2003, Erika Harold and her father Bob were in Jacksonville in March to promote healthy father-daughter relationships as part of the Project SOS Father-Daughter program.
		The students at St. Paul Catholic School in Jacksonville Beach had an opportunity to ask Erika Harold, Miss America 2003, questions about how she handles dating, abstinence and peer pressure.

With much of the attention and responsibility for chastity being placed on girls, Dr. Mullarkey notes that the same holds true for boys. “Being a real man is saying no to things that are going to cause regrets,” she says. We are missing a full right of passage for boys in our culture. They think they are men when they have their first sexual encounter.”

The former Miss America speaks openly about her choice to abstain from sex until marriage, but doesn’t understand why people only see abstinence as choosing not to have sex.

“I think people shy away from (the word abstinence) because it seems passive, like waiting around and doing nothing. It’s not choosing ‘not to have sex,’ it means using more time and energy to become a world leader and an opportunity to use your life and talents … in community service.”

Now in her final semester at Harvard Law School, Erika is preparing for a career of working in litigation at a law firm in Chicago where she can continue to practice what she preaches to kids across the country, “You have the opportunity to stand up for what you believe in.”

The Case for Chastity
May Oliver, coordinator of Respect Life for the Cathedral-Basilica of St. Augustine, has been working in chastity education for 20 years. She uses the definition of chastity as “sexual self-control” that refers to all stages of life: those who are single, married and those waiting to be married. Also, chastity, not to be confused with celibacy, doesn’t only mean abstaining from sex.

“A lifestyle of chastity is for all of us,” May explains, “It means who you are, what you are in life. The friends that you choose, how you dress, how you amuse yourself and the entertainment you choose.”

She feels the media needs to be responsible for providing something better for society. “Entertainment isn’t raising anything up in our people. It’s not calling us to be better.”

Parents, she says, are having to race to catch up. “It starts with the parents. We are the primary educators. We take that job so seriously [when children are] at age two. We tell them what to eat, to be safe and not to play in the street. When they are ages 12 and 13, we think our job is done. Parents must return to being parents and not turn that job over to other organizations.”

Parents can create healthy environments for their children by hosting their childrens’ friends at their homes, spending time with other families, talking about making good choices, going to church and teaching them how to pray for themselves and for others, May notes.

“If kids are feeling challenged, I tell them to get away from that challenge. It’s not good and it’s not character building. They also need to be supported as they stand up to peer pressure.” It’s hard for kids to stand up for themselves when they feel as if they are the only ones doing it, she adds.

In regards to the negative media images, May accepts no excuses. She acknowledges that there have always been messages about sex coming from the media, but there has never been this level of “wide-scale acceptance” of it.

Recently, Pope Benedict XVI met with members of the Pontifical Council for Social Communications and called on media operators “to safeguard the common good, to uphold the truth, to protect individual human dignity and promote respect for the needs of the family.”

But even in the midst of websites like myspace.com, the Pussycat Dolls’ new reality TV show and E! Entertainment Television’s “The Girls Next Door,” an encouraging trend seems to be helping balance the scale. According to the Guttmacher Institute, research shows a decline in the national abortion rate for the past 10 years. As of 2006, teen pregnancy is at its lowest level in 30 years, and people are talking about chastity and abstinence more.

“The good news is that this generation coming up is making good choices,” says May. She acknowledges music performers such as Rebecca St. James who “lives chastity,” and even rappers who are “disgusted” with other performers in their genre and are speaking out.

“I think the kids are hungry for [learning about chastity] because it is the truth,” she says.

 

Resources about chastity

Theology of the Body Explained: A Commentary on John Paul II’s ‘Gospel of the Body,’ by Christopher West. 552pp., Published by Pauline Books & Media, 2003. www.theologyofthebody.net

Project SOS: A local effort to positively change today’s youth culture by teaching life skills to avoid premarital sex, drugs, alcohol and other high risk behaviors. www.projectsos.com

Pure Love by nationally renowned chastity speaker, Jason Evert. Published by Catholic Answers, January 2003.

Love-and do what you will by Julie A. Collins, 2001, 4pp. Cost $.40 each, discounts for bulk. Call 1-866-582-0943 or prolife@usccb.org to order.

Standing With Courage: Confronting Tough Decisions about Sex, by Miss America 1999 Mary-Louise Kurey. 224 pp., Published by Our Sunday Visitor, 2002.