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he says... she says...
what should they do?
Carl and Marie have just retired after long and successful
careers. But they are discovering that they have very different
ideas about what retirement means.
he says...
We’re retired – it’s time to chuck it in and travel.
Carl says: We’ve finally retired and it’s time to have
the adventures we didn’t have time for when we were working
full-time. I want to see the country – go to New England in the
fall, Arizona in the winter, maybe Alaska. I think we should
sell the house, buy a really nice motor home and hit the road.
But Marie doesn’t want to do a darn thing! I won’t sit home for
the rest of my life – I’m going on the road with or without her. |
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she says...
I want to spend retirement at home with grandkids visiting.
Marie says: I don’t know what has come over Carl. We
never talked about doing anything like this. Our home has always
been here: Our children and grandchildren all live within 25
miles of where we are. I don’t want to hit the road; I
envisioned retirement as a time to spend with the grandkids,
really get into some gardening. I don’t want Carl to leave, but
I’m not a road warrior. |
Expert Says: Jo Anne and I have
had this discussion several times over the last few years as we
plan for our retirement years. We are fortunate – not that we
have found a solution yet, but that we started our discussion
long before now. Of course, that doesn’t help Carl and Marie as
they are facing the crises of conflicting wants and desires head
on. We all know that decisions made in the heat of conflict
aren’t always the best decisions, but at least the conflict can
end and life can begin again. Jo Anne and I know quite a few
couples who have, or are currently facing, a similar unpleasant
situation.
Carl and Marie need to modify their desires slightly, and they
both can achieve their goals without driving a wedge into a
relationship that has survived these many years. There really is
a win-win solution here, but it takes the same flexibility and
consideration that Carl and Marie have obviously experienced –
or else they would not still be together.
The key is communication. Carl could suggest a short trip (give
Marie several weeks to prepare) or let Marie pick the
destination. Then – together – do the research and really make
this a memorable trip. You could even take a couple of
grandchildren along.
Jo Anne’s comment to Marie is, “You go, girl!” Traveling with
your spouse can be a lot of fun and it can be a great time to
have uninterrupted talks. If Carl and Marie treat this traveling
time like a special date, where you don’t worry about the time,
great memories can be created. Do something special each day for
each other to let your beloved know you are happy to be in his
or her presence. This is a new time in your life, enjoy the time
together while you still can because many other couples are
denied this type of opportunity after retirement.
As a married person, your focus should still be centered on your
relationship with each other and not on your children or
grandchildren. Yes, they are fun to be around and are often
enjoyable, but the most important persons in your life should be
your spouse and God. When we focus on the good of our spouses,
we are doing what God has intended us to do – serving him
through loving and caring for each other.
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romance |
Romance
Don’t put it off any longer. Along with the annual maintenance
for your car, your furnace and your finances, attend a marriage
enrichment retreat. After all, isn’t your marriage more
important than your car, your furnace and your finances? |
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money |
Tax time
Don’t wait until the end of the year. Consider a consultation
with an accountant or financial planner to make sure that you
are getting all the deductions to which you are entitled.
Consider making a donation to your favorite charity with all or
a portion of your refund. |
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communication |
Marriage
Are you finding the prospect of Thanksgiving and Christmas more
stressful than exciting? Maybe you’re dreading the overcommitted
schedule that so often accompanies them. Spend some time talking
with your spouse about what you really want this year. Together,
you can find a way to make the holidays memorable. |
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time |
It’s about Time..!
It isn’t necessary to spend lots of money to dine and dance
together. In the quiet of your home, plan an evening together
with a nice supper, lights down low, and soft dancing music
playing in the background. Set the table with your “reserved for
company” best, and then treat your spouse as you would royalty.
For that is what they are! |
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