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Be Her Joseph!
By Tom Mealey

I received a number of inquiries concerning the message in “Marriage Matters,” that appeared in last month’s issue of the St. Augustine Catholic. Since the authors gave an ambiguous response to the couples’ dilemma about using contraception vs. Natural Family Planning, I wish to clarify any possible ambiguities by citing the testimony of a couple who learned from experience the truth of the Church’s teaching in this important area of married life.                                 — Bishop Victor Galeone 
When we first married, my wife, Misty, and I were the typical secular couple. We relied on hormonal contraception. Due to bad side effects - that didn’t last long. Misty found out about Natural Family Planning (NFP) through a Catholic friend. Admittedly, I was suspicious of all the “hocus pocus” involving thermometers at six-thirty in the morning and observations written down in cryptic symbols on the NFP chart. That would all change in surprising ways once we got into living the NFP lifestyle. 

Before having children, Misty had been an atheist and I had been an agnostic. With our first child, the miracle of life spurred a spiritual awakening in us. We realized the Holy Spirit had already led us into a Catholic life. Even after our conversion, however, NFP enriched our relationship with each other and with God in ways we never expected.

We studied Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body” and became excited about living out our faith and sharing it. It was thrilling to learn the compelling reasons behind the church’s beautiful teachings on sex and marriage.

 Much to my surprise, I also learned how grateful my wife was that I was willing to learn how her body worked. I shared the responsibility in planning our family, and also found non-sexual ways of expressing affection and intimacy when we had good reasons to postpone pregnancy. This strengthened our marriage and made me a better husband and father.

When we became Catholic, I knew I wanted to be the spiritual leader of our family, but I didn’t understand what that entailed besides bringing our children to church on Sunday. Through NFP and Scripture, I discovered that I had a choice in the kind of man I was going to be.

We often blame Eve for eating the forbidden fruit.  But in Genesis, we learn that after taking a bite, she turned and offered the fruit to Adam, who was with her. Adam didn’t stop her and say, “This is a bad idea; let’s go.” He did not protect his wife, but stood by silently while the serpent convinced her to surrender her holiness and damage her relationship with God.

Then there was St. Joseph. When Joseph obeyed the angel, who told him to bring Mary into his home, he was accepting the public shame and embarrassment of a pregnant fiancée. He sacrificed his personal honor and reputation to obey God and protect Mary and Jesus.

The choice for a husband is clear: he can be his wife’s Adam or he can be her Joseph. A man can stand by silently and allow his wife to suffer the physical and spiritual consequences of contraception. Or he can defend her virtue, body and soul by using NFP. Today, contraception is accepted and expected. Any man who forgoes it for NFP will likely be exposed to ridicule and criticism. But as St. Joseph taught us, there are some things more important than the opinion of others. May we husbands choose to be Joseph to our wives!  

Tom and Misty Mealey have four children and live in the Diocese of Richmond, Va.

I conclude with what a Gainesville NFP instructor wrote to Steve Patton, our Family Life Director:
Hi Steve! I want to pass along something that one of my NFP couples told me.  I saw them last night for their 7th follow-up, and the woman told me that they would have never used NFP, if learning it was not a requirement for their marriage prep. Since their wedding, she is so happy that she and her husband are using NFP, and they are so grateful that the NFP requirement is in place. This is coming from a woman who was on the Pill. She and her fiancé were sexually active when they learned about the requirement at Pre-Cana. They decided to practice secondary virginity until their marriage, and she went off the Pill in order to learn to chart, and then the system sold itself.

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