In 1972, a little over a week before the great Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel died, he was asked by an interviewer for NBC-TV if he had a message for today's youth. A colleague and friend of his, Samuel Dresner, relates in his edited work, I Asked for Wonder, that rather than Heschel being put off by such a broad and challenging question, he nodded affirmatively and said: “Remember, that there is meaning beyond absurdity. Know that every deed counts, that every word is power…above all, remember that you must build your life as if it were a work of art.” But it is hard to do that if you don't feel good about yourself or there is no one around who can help you see the reflections of God in yourself. 1 learned this lesson in a very simple, poignant interaction with someone whom I served as a therapist-mentor.

She had come in to see me as an adult to deal with having been abused as a child. Toward the end of the treatment we were walking down a country lane and I noticed that she was particularly animated and filled with joy. I also realized that we would soon be coming to the end of the treatment. She was now viewing herself as God did with love and acceptance of all the gifts she had.

I thought I might interrupt her at this point with two goals in mind. First, I would try to help her realize how far she had come after all the work she put into the sessions. And second, I would ask her to reflect on how she had made this progress so when she entered some darkness again — because darkness comes and goes for us all — she would know what resources to draw upon. However, her simple response surprised and overwhelmed me.

I said to her: “Picture my face as a mirror. What do you see at this point” She said: “I see a woman alive with the Spirit, someone who has finally found the child who was lost because of the abuse and has resurrected her and integrated her with the woman she is now. And, because of this she is really filled with the Spirit!” “That's right,” I said, “but how did you get to this point? You weren't this way when you first came in to see me.” She said: “It was simple.” “Simple?” I asked, quite puzzled.

“Yes. When I came in here the first time I simply watched how you sat with me and then I began sitting with myself in the same way.”

If we want to see ourselves as God sees us, as a way to have true spiritual self-respect, then we need to look at how we sit with ourselves — in other words, how do we think about and what do we believe about ourselves. We must also have friends who will challenge us to be all that we can be while at the same time reflecting back to us our wonder and God-given gifts. True self-respect is not a given. However, since it is at the heart of how we live our lives and share it with others, it is something very important for us to reflect upon each day in prayer and with good friends.

Dr. Robert J. Wicks is on the faculty of Loyola College of Maryland and author of the books Simple Changes, Sharing Wisdom, and Everyday Simplicity.. He can be reached via email at [email protected].